There are a variety of things Americans have learned from the French, but when it comes to closets, it is not one of them. For the past two years, Jean, Zoe-Pascale, and I have lived in a ancient Maison de Village in a small country village. Our goal was not specifically to simplify, but to live a different life that would provide balance unknown to most professional dual career couples. Simplification however comes in many forms and learning what the French have to teach us is what we were after.

French homes, many of which are hundreds of years old all have one thing in common, no closets. They just aren’t built. Gorgeous wooden armoires, tall as the ceilings, new modern creations, and cupboards are used, but not closets.

Moving into our home for year round living we had to figure out some method to handle all of the clothes, books, and work supplies we had mailed from California. We didn’t want to invest in furniture, but instead pulled upon our college day resources and nailed heavy duty antique hooks on the wall and purchased old coat racks with character for hanging clothes. This worked fine until all of our winter clothes arrived by post in large boxes. Figuring out where to put the additional clothes was one problem, but the fact that they were winter clothes, heavier, thicker, and bulkier posed another.

With no closets there is just only so much room. Trying to stuff old jeans and winter coats into the back of a closet was not a possibility, there was no closet. Hanging them on the coat racks and hooks just wouldn’t do; the weight was more than they could take – thus the reason closets were built. However, here we were and we had to figure out what to do before the hat racks tipped over and the hooks came out of the wall.

By necessity, we decided to clean out last seasons clothes. Yes, no, it fits, it’s too small, it doesn’t flatter me, I look fat? All these questions we went through deciding if the object was worth packing away. My daughter’s wardrobe luckily changed every six months as she grew taller. Next winter, the jeans would definitely be too short and the coat, well maybe? Convincing her however that the red cowboy boots would be too small took time and the promise of a replacement. With this completed we thought we could fit the clothes on the racks and in the drawers.

Not needing an assortment of corporate clothes, my husband and I chose a week’s worth of outfits we might need and hung them on a rod pushed between the plumbing in an tiny cubbyhole under the stairs. Our major corporate wardrobe, which we can barely remember, was left in storage in California. That’s another story about hanging on to stuff you don’t need or want.

Living in the French countryside, our need for clothes has been reduced to a few basic items with some wonderful scarves and accessories to create the sense of a lá Française. Not being bombarded by beautiful stores and the newest fashion, I’ve been able to not be enticed to buy, buy , buy and get away with a spring and autumn shopping trip for those must have peach colored capris and black leather boots. A very different experience than my frequent, “I’ll just pop in,” trips to Nordstroms. These trips also spur us on to getting rid of something else. My husband’s favorite sweater he wore all winter was great last year, but now it looks tattered, full of little balls, and basically old and worn out. With little argument he agrees to replace the old with the new and we are all happier.

Each season we replace our coat racks, hooks, and drawers with the next seasons clothes. If it doesn’t fit in our small space, we start over, clean out and get rid of something. Twice a year, in our village, a “vide de grenier,” clean out your attic” sale is hosted in the Place du Marche. At 8:00 on a sunny Sunday, families come out with boxes of outgrown clothes, bikes, knickknacks, toys and books. By 5pm what is not sold can be donated to charity and we all leave with some money in our pocket and usually more books and toys that Zoe has bought with the money she earned.

This works great for clothes because our needs and space are less, but when it comes to books, the whole family is a little less disciplined. “Let’s just get another bookshelf,” my daughter says after reviewing her collection of over a hundred French comic books. A library would be wonderful and we do have the school library nearby in French, but when it comes to English books we have to buy them. Luckily Amazon now has tons of used books to buy that are stacked up around our office, but when it comes to paperback novels, I found the solution. A used bookstore in a nearby village accepts my English novels and I get new ones in return. Zoe sells a few comic books and gets a few more as well. We give, we get, and we pay just a little and my daughter is learning about buying and selling.

I have to say however, living without closets does get old, but the discipline we have learned will carry us on as we move into our dream home with walk-in closets in every bedroom.

PS. Check out the The Very Small Closet Blog

Slow and Simple/ Living the Proper Pace of Life

In moving to France, we willingly gave up a larger life—a bigger house full of appliances and modern conveniences, a larger budget, luxury cars and prepared meals. Changing places we traded things for time and for a proper pace of living. We’ve discovered that savoring a glass of local wine in an outdoor café can provide as much pleasure as an expensive bottle of wine in a five star restaurant. Building relationships with neighbors and having the time to eat meals together as a family provides community and a quality of life that is priceless. It’s not that we don’t still love and desire beautiful things and elegant clothes, but living a slower and simpler life has given us such joy, pleasure, and perspective that we are willing to make some tradeoffs we weren’t prepared for before. Our values have shifted and new priorities and goals have emerged.

Experimenting with a new pace of life was a major goal of ours. It’s not just about being slow and simple, as we are not naturally slow, simple people, but about finding the proper pace of life. Driving to Nimes, 35 minutes away to see a movie in English requires planning. Taking the train to visit museums in Paris requires even more planning, and finding great deals to travel to Morocco, Crete, or Africa requires a lot of forethought and research, but life on a daily basis seems to flow at a proper pace. Changing place and moving to France during our time off has allowed us to try on a new pace of life.

“I talked to Craig and Mike in San Francisco today. They reminded me once again how life in the bay area is so wired and people especially in the business world are expected to be available 24/7. Craig asked me what we thought about coming back into a life that was 24/7.”

“We definitely have to be clear and strong on our priorities if we go back to a place that values work, work, and work above everything else. Or we have to know it may only be temporary until we can move to the place that will support the proper pace more easily.

Being here in France has allowed us to see that a different place definitely supports a different lifestyle and speed of life. Yes, we are living in a small village and don’t have to drive to school or work, but that is just cream on the cake. It’s the way the French embrace family and lifestyle over work that enables the people to pace themselves. On Sunday’s, for example, all the stores are closed. It’s not a choice to go shopping and spend your Sunday consuming. Families and friends have lunch together and take walks in nature or swim at the rivers, oceans, and pools in the summer. The streets, trails, beaches and hills are covered with walkers leisurely enjoying the afternoon. Not having the choice to go shopping or for a walk in nature makes it so much easier to choose what will replenish our souls - nature.

“I love San Francisco,” my friend Craig said. “But I can’t say there is a feeling of community among our neighbors. In fact we are the only people who have lived here longer than ten years. We live so close together, but no one knows each other and no one says good morning. I truly don’t know why.”

For us, our village is one big community. Our neighbor on one side, has lived in his house for three generations, next door the family have lived there for twenty years and Lilou the Potter for at least ten years. Everyday we walk Zoe-Pascale to school we say bonjour to at least five people and stop to kiss a few on the cheek as well. The thought of living in a place where people don’t say good morning seems so odd. Our priorities have shifted. We are loving the simple things in life. And simultaneously we miss our good friends and family who know us well and have been part of our lives. Good friends are not easy to come by. They are built overtime and have more and more importance as we realize how hard it is to make new good friends as you get older. It’s funny though, sometimes it happens. This past spring we met a new English couple who Jean and I both adore and they seem to like us to. Something that is hard to find actually where you both like both of them. They live here six months a year and in England the other six. They love the simple life for six months, but also miss the excitement of London and their friends and family. Is that the answer we ask ourselves? Is it two homes? Does that make life simpler or more complicated or does it allow you to truly regroup when it gets too much?

Our broad shouldered, thick necked builder with a large stomach is fixing the roof this month. He arrives promptly at 8 am and leaves at 12 for a two hour lunch break with his family. I’ve seen him pick up his son at school on the way home. He is always smiling when he returns at 2pm. He works very hard, but never overtime. At 5pm promptly he and his workers are gone. They’ve toiled for eight hours with no noticeable break and step back to admire their work. They are pleased and ready to go home.

Reading has always been a love and a luxury for Jean and I. It always seemed to have come last often at 10 or 11 at night right before we would fall asleep. Here I am always reading. I pick a book up for 30 minutes after lunch or an hour before dinner. I read at night in bed without any TV to hypnotize me and I read snuggled up next to Zoe-Pascale, who also now is reading like a fish. I love books, I love learning, and here I am able to feed this desire so easily. Some books I buy on the internet and have them shipped, others I find in the used bookstore or at a Vide de Grenier (attic sale). Never before did I have time to go to a used bookstore. Now Zoe and I go to the Used Book Store after Ballet every Wednesday to buy and sell. She’s become a collector of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck French comic books. Her collection now toping over a hundred books is her love. She’s given up Barbie for Mickey. I’m trying to teach her inspite of her hoarding of the comic books, that we need to sell some to get more. Sell three for 3 Euro and buy five for 6 Euro. The Boekinier (bookstore seller) makes some money, we learn the value of recycling and we manage our collection.

Not having a TV, I believe, and Jean has come around to believing so as well, has been one of the best things in the world for all of us. Not having so much negative energy come into the home is so soothing. This is especially true with the newsreports of the Iraq war depressing us more and more each day. Instead of a TV blasting in the background Jean selectively watches ABC News on the internet and has now found a movie channel we can tune into through TV Links. We all watch DVDs and Zoé plays computer games and none of us miss the TV commercials we used to watch every 7 minutes on TV. Yes it is important to stay connected to the world, but we are learning to observe it and not absorb it as the media so wants us to.

Jean and I have been keeping work hours for our writing, research, and coaching about six-eight hours a day. It seems to flow differently here. Three hours of productive work in the morning or afternoon followed by email, administrative tasks, and some more productive work later in the evening for Jean. So sane, so freeing. We have time every morning to have breakfast with Zoe-Pascale and get her off to school, followed by a walk in the country. Our walks have become as important to us for exercise as for spiritual sustenance. Our heads get clear, we have time to talk (or not) and we can sit in front of the computer for much longer periods of time as a result. Some days I insert French class or yoga into the morning and a little shopping at the Farmer's Market on Friday. It all seems to flow and finds its proper place in the day.

We’ve been trying to practice 15 minutes of meditation everyday. Something we have tried for years and have found so difficult. I sit on the terrace with a soft pillow under my seat, turn on baroque music on my IPOD and tune out. In breath to four counts, hold four counts, out breath four counts. It’s hard work to keep my mind still, but I’m beginning to trust that it might make a difference in living in this world peacefully than not. Jean loves to sit in yogi position in the living room. He too struggles and finds it so calming to him, so we keep practicing. Another change of pace for us. To allow the time, just 15 minutes to meditate. It’s hard to find fifteen minutes of quiet time. It truly is. We’ve discovered however it isn’t about finding the time, it’s about making it a priority everyday and then the day seems to go better. I wonder how hard this will be to keep up in a wired 24/7 world?

I started to knit. Who had time before? Who has time now? But I like it and I find I am happy when I knit. I am calm, and I am relaxed. I knit in the car when Jean drives or in the evening for ten minutes. At this rate it could take me a long time to finish my project but it is okay. I’m knitting an ambitious sweater for Zoe-Pascale now with these tiny, tiny needles. What was I thinking? I just hope I will finish it while she is still a size 8. Creating something and using my hands (other than on the computer) is so important now. I’m painting a lot too. I just sit on the terrace and paint a picture from a photo or copy my favorite Zanella painting from his brochure. My mind is so happy.

This pace of life can only be said to be proper in my mind. It flows, it is sane, it is healthy, and I am at peace. So what have we learned that we can take with us forever and can we live somewhere wired 24/7 and keep this same pace. Is it possible?

“Our goals are getting clear and our priorities are clear, we want to create a lifestyle that allows us to live at the proper pace, in a home we love, with work we love, around people we want to be with, without financial stress.”

“Yes, the work is coming together as we are clear on whom we want to work with, and the type of work we want to do. Jean, finishing his PhD. will open up more doors. We are no longer the same people we were two years ago in that we have left the fast paced work oriented world where work and money are king, living up to the Joneses is important and life is measured by how many toys you have. We are willing to make choices and know what is important. Now to trust in the universe that we can create our life as we wish is our major task.

I woke up the other night realizing that we have created exactly what we wanted. We have created the open field, the ability to do anything and go anywhere, the freedom we desired. No wonder we can't figure out what's next, we love this freedom. The only challenge of course now is we do have to start earning money and want to move forward with our new lifestyle careers... Okay I say to Jean, here's the answer, calling him from a cafe in Uzes after my Yoga class. "We are still on the journey. Let's not box ourselves in. We don't have to make every decision now. We still need to shed old skins like our house in Tiburon and our house in France. We want to sell both and buy different, new, our dream. But it doesn't have to be now. We are still on our journey and will be for another three years I think.  Recently we read about the couple who took a five year honeymoon. It took Lucy and Peter five years to find the perfect home. Maybe five years is more like it? It feels different thinking of it this way. Phase 2 is about putting our lifestyle careers into action and developing them to support us for the longterm. The house and place will come. It will come...

This feels so much better... I want the journey to continue. I don't want to think of somewhere forever. ...

 Sept 2006. It's my dad's 85th birthday this October 17, the day after Zoe-Pascale's birthday. She was his present seven years ago. My family had a party for him this week which we were unable to attend but we were there in spirit. The next day mom read to us on the webcam Dad's speech at the party. (He always has her read his poems and speeches as he would cry.. We love him for that!)  The story as told touched my heart so deeply that I wanted to share it with you as well. I'm hoping that you enjoy it and are moved by it as I was.

I want to tell you all a true story about at my age you can change things for the better. On Monday August 14th, Cynthia , Marilyn and I went to the horse races. Not much luck but we had fun and after the races we went over to the Hilton Hotel for happy hour. Half price appetizers and drinks. We had shirmp cocktails, mini hamburgers and quesadillas. As we went to pay, the waiter told us that the man sitting at the end of the bar picked up the tab. I couldn't believe it and so I went over  to thank him and ask him why he did it. He said he had a good day at the races and we seemed to be having such a nice time he just wanted to pay the bill. I thought okay, if we were three young good looking girls I could understand but two 80 year olds and a 50ish year old woman, that was different.

The next few days I kept thinking about it and how rare something like that happens. The following Friday, Marilyn went to the haridresser and I went to the beach for breakfast and a walk. I made up my mind I was going to start something new, at least for me. I have never been generous with homeless people no matter what the reason for it, but now I was on the lookout for someone who I could help in some way. The beach is a good place for that as there are a lot of homeless people around the beach. I found a middle aged man with two paper bags full of what was probably most of his possessions. I stopped, said hello and asked him if he had had breakfast? He gave a little smile and said "Not today."

I handed him $5 and he looked up at me, thanked me, said "God Bless You," and gave a little wave goodbye. I continued on with my walka little lighter and feeling good. On the way home at a stop sign was a man carrying a sign, "I work for food." Whether or not he really did I handed him a dollar. I realized that I had never felt so good before giving away a dollar. Since then I find myself handing out a dollar to everyone I pass up who is asking for help. So maybe it costs me $20 or $30 a month. I waste more than that each month.

I never mentioned this to Marilyn and as the days went by and she saw me giving away dollar bills, she commented. "That's very nice of you Jerry." But I think she wondered truly what had gotten into me. Morgan, my granddaughter was with me one day when I gave away a dollar. I know she also wondered what is he doing? I never mentioned to anyone what I was doing I just kept doing it and they probably kept wondering, is he okay? Today I wanted you all to know that I have made up my mind that I am not passing up any homeless person. I have received more "God Bless You's " than dozens of sneezes could have ever produced. My 85th birthday present to myself and others is to share with strangers in need as well as with my family and friends. I love you all!

Jerry Saxe, age 85

When I heard this story I was so choked up I could cry. I remembered back to walking through Prague with Zoe-Pascale and how all she wanted to do was to give money away to the beggars on the streets. We finally worked out a system with her that if they were working for money by singing or playing an instrument she could give them some change. I wonder now would it have been so bad to let her have $20 to give away to everyone she saw who asked for it. It makes me wonder, however why a child and an 85 year old man can have the same attitude towards being generous to those who have less than we do and something happens in between. We get stingy, we get pissed that others aren't working too, we have judgements, we forget. I wonder if the world would be a better place if we were more generous with those in need throughout our lives.

This week I was reading a story to Zoe about Rosh Hashanah and it said that during the Jewish New Years and Shabbat is the time to be generous and give to those in need; to do a mitzvah. So this week I to have decided to give generously. A homeless man in Uzes I never saw before was sitting on the street. I walked by and then turned back and gave him a Euro and in return I also received a french version of "God Bless You." I also walked away a little lighter and feeling good the rest of the day. Maybe, just maybe once a week on Shabbat is a good time to practice generosity and we will all have a better day because of it.

Along with these dreams I also had a vision that came true this morning. A vision that made my heart melt and one of those moments when you know that having a child is worth everything. It is also somewhat indulgent and many people may wonder “where does she find the time?” For me, it is a moment in life I hope to repeat often with my daughter, no matter how busy I am.

Jean walked in on the scene and exclaimed with a big smile on his face.

“You two look sooooo…. happy.”

So what is this scene, this vision you ask?. Something so normal, so simple and so fulfilling. First let me back up and remind you that Zoe-Pascale is 6 and ¾ (she reminds us of that) and after completing CP or First Grade in the French village she has mastered the French art of reading and is not far behind in English.

It all started yesterday when we went to a swim class and afterwards I promised to take her to the Marché, the nearby market in Bagnols sur Ceze, buy her a dress and have lunch alone sans papa. After finding the perfect yellow Provencal dress we were walking by a used book stall and spotted some English novels. She picked out a cover for me she liked and I picked one out as well. Sitting next to it were some French Disney comic books. Not the thin ones I used to buy as a child, but a comic book that was was a compilation of 10 stories with a total of 308 pages. Quite a thick book by any standard. For one Euro she picked out a Donald Duck classic in French and we set off for lunch.

This morning I woke up at 8:00am and decided to read in bed for awhile until Zoé woke up and Jean brought me my coffee. (Yes, practically every morning I get café au lait in bed – a prerequisite to a perfect husband). A few minutes later I see my bundle of joy leap onto the bed and say,

“I want to read with you. I want to read my new comic book.”

Reaching over the bed, she grabbed the book, we propped up some more pillows and we both laid there reading our own books in total peace. Once in awhile she would read out loud and I would listen to hear her speak such perfect French as though it was music to my ears, soothing background music. I waited for her to ask me for help. To read certain words, to get bored, but it did not happen. Five minutes passed, twenty minutes passed and nothing but total bliss of mother and daughter lying side by side in bed while immersed in reading our own books.

I had a flashback of the time when I drove across country with my Dad at age 9. Each night we would stop at a motel, take a swim in the pool, eat dinner at a local diner and buy a bar of Hershey chocolate and a coke to have in the room later for dessert. We’d get back to the room about 7:30pm and lie down on the bed side by side, take out our books and read for the next two hours being together in a state of bliss. A few words about “pass the chocolate,” or “can I have a sip of coke,” would be said and we return to our books. It was a magic time in my life, a special trip with just my Dad and me. I learned my love of reading directly from him.

Jean walked in with my café au lait and Zoe-Pascales' tea, laughing and smiling at the sight of the two of us reading side by side in bed.

“You must be in heaven, reading with your little girl so peacefully.”

I love to read. How could I not be happy? Reading together next to my babe. Finally she exclaimed

“I finished the story. I want to read another.”

“Okay” I said.

Two hours later I finally said, “It is time to get up, the day will be gone before we get up.”

“But maman, this is so great. I love to read in bed with you.”

What could I do but smile, give her a big kiss and hug and say,

“You have just found a whole new world in reading.

“I like this maman, but you’ll still read to me every night, right?”

“Of course, baby, think how many books in the world we get to read.”

Happiness found in the small moments of complete togetherness with my baby girl.

It has been a year since we arrived in France and it has gone so quickly. So quickly that we are not ready to leave, to go home, to go somewhere. It is time to talk about what is our next step? What is the next year about? What is our future?

For so many years I was so goal focused and had such clarity around my dreams, our dreams, what we needed in life, wanted in life, and how to get it. The past week Jean and I have been going through a variety of scenarios on how we want to live our life going forward, the work we want and don't want to do, the place that will nurture this and Zoe and the ultimate question, the finances.  What used to seem so clear cut seems so difficult. The choices seem harder as we know so much is tied up into each decision for the future. At twenty-five or thirty you know that you can always move again, start over again, buy a different house. At fifty each decision has a ripple effect and a bigger ramification for now and the future. We are now at the place in which we have to determine what we want to do with the assets we have, what we need to do to secure our future and the current and future needs of Zoe and us as individuals and a couple.

Where we are in our time off

This year… I recovered from the stress of the past few years, of running the business alone, the financial strain and obligations, Virginia’s death, lack of sleep and plain old burn out. Year one was about recovery. Year two is seeing if I can make this new passion, this idea of writing come full forth. Can I, can we, make it into a money-making career? Year Two, for Jean is about moving forward with is Phd but not all consuming so he won’t even know he was in France. For me, it is about both. We are both feeling the need to possibly make a change now – to Montpellier, closer to a bigger city, better schools and English speaking families. But it then becomes another distraction and will it bring us further along or will it just distract. Zoe has needs. Is it better to keep her here or to change places, change schools, change locations again. We are all feeling a bit isolated. Maybe it is August, maybe it is we haven’t reached out enough. Enough to be social, to have the right house to socialize, to be invited over. Maybe it just takes a long time to be invited. Maybe it is because we are in this small town where it is hard to break in and yes people are busy too! Maybe it is being the older mom in a place with younger moms. We realize the wonderful trade offs of being in a small French village and the immersion we have had. On the other hand, it makes it difficult to get intimate with French families mostly because of the language, but also because they don't have the needs for so many new friends as we do.

Time Off during our First Year allowed me to:

• Recover from our stressful life
• Recover from the operation
• Be much more patient with zoe
• Become more attached as a family and it is also more difficult as well
• Realize who my good friends are and how I miss them
• Come to terms that I am not 25, or 30, or 40 or even 45, but have different needs and a different way of being at 50.
• Let go of being responsible for everyone else’s emotions.
• Realize I am more of a loner than I realize and I love the time to read great and not so great books.
• Find a new passion in writing which I want to pursue
• Realize and rekindle an old passion in travel which I want to pursue
• Not worry
• Realize I don't want to worry again
• Have time and energy to be a fulltime mom but am lucky enough to have a fulltime dad to help
• See how much more time Zoe takes than ever before and how it is a treat to be with her (most of the time)
• Embrace what it means to have a lot of downtime, summertime, and no where to go, nothing to have to do, and no one to have to see.
• Feel what it really feels like to be in the now and don’t like it when I am pulled out of it.
• Be open to different places and different lives as long as I can mostly be a mom and write and speak for money and consult a little for the extras.
• Become very clear that I don’t want to reenter into the life I left with high stress, high worry and little passion.

Where are we going on this journey and where will it take us?

This is the ongoing discussion Jean and I have. Zoe intervenes as well stating she wants all her houses and a house in every country we have been in. A wonderful plan we think. But seriously, we discuss questions such as can we go back to how we were and if so how do we do it on one income? Is it possible? If not, there, where? Can we not go back? What is best for Zoe? What is best for us?

All I know for sure is I just want to continue going, continue living, continuing traveling, continuing not to work like I did before. I am okay living a bit longer in limbo. Jean wants to know where we are going, what we are doing, but I too want to begin to create a life where we will be for awhile. 

The beauty of being here is being so solidly in "the now." The other day, I got caught in not being in the now, which was so distracting and upsetting to me which also surprised me so. I felt so much unease.  I am amazed how disturbed I felt. This is a new change for me.

With a few scenarios in mind we are now focusing on what we want out of the second year. Maybe that is what we should focus on.. our second year. What is it about..The rest will come as everything does.

Year Two:

• Focus on my physical health and strength. Get fit, loose weight, no allergies or asthma and feel good.
• Focus on my writing. Get an agent and finish our book. Make good money from it.
• Travel .. Travel… Travel
• Help Jean with his PhD
• Help Zoe to enjoy school, dance, friends, and life
• Have time with Jean to enjoy France

Our journey continues on the outside and on the inside.